I grew up in Childhood

As a child I had a beard. It would sop up my milk during snack time. I sprained my ankle 43,653 times playing hopscotch. I lost the spelling bee because I failed to spell squirrel correctly. As fate would have it I would later spell Eichhörnchen (squirrel) winning the 1994 Internationalbuchstabierwettbewerb in Berlin. I always got the turkey and swiss because it came with mustard. I would save the packets and twist them up into little landmines, burying them beneath the gravel, so kids playing tag would detonate them all over their teal windbreakers. I was sent to the principal's office during PE in 4th grade, because I gave a kid a scruff burn when I broke the line in Red-Rover. When Pokemon came around all I had were Magic cards. I was swiftly sent to the school counselor when a kid showed me a:

and I offered a:

When yo-yo's twirled their way onto our playgrounds, everyone wanted a Silver Bullet. Like the hairy moon creature I was, silver bullets would penetrate deep into my flesh. All I ever had was a soccer ball yo-yo I got at the Fall Carnival from throwing some bean bags into a pumpkin's eye-holes. Whoever thought it would be a good idea to reward first graders with Petco feeder fish which had the life-expectancy of a hot-pocket at a LAN party was a sadistic child feasting mongrel. I signed all my homeworks like this:

The PTA thought I was trying to start this:

I brought my camera to show and tell one day and took this picture:

They put me in GT.